finally i know what a normal, sane relationship should be like. and it feels damn good.

“regardless, i just want you to have a good time and feel like you’ve been treated right for the time that remains while i’m here.

and if our rapport or affinity ends up being short-lived,
well at least you had a good experience without giving up anything that you didn’t want to. and won’t look back with negative memories.”

“and if it ends up being short-lived, i won’t feel like i royally screwed over some girl and crushed her faith in humanity/guys.”

leg = layg
the = de
red = rayd

Udders heard elsewhere
bread = brayd
salmon = sell-mern
film = flim

She walked into her little pigeonhole, her only place of comfort and there she was, and so was he, permanently attached to her by an invisible 1 meter leash, just like the past 2 years.

The obligatory Hellos before she proceed to stir-fry her bak choy for lunch.

The obligatory smiles as their eyes meet while they pass each other in their little sorry excuse for what you normally call a kitchen.

The obligatory conversation with him as she sits on the couch beside him watching another rerun of Friends. Why can’t you just let her watch her show in peace?? Just shut up and cover your face with today’s Wo Pao and just read and don’t stop. No no no no no, don’t fold down the papers. Stop. No, don’t form your mouth into a word, she won’t listen. She doesn’t want to.

Yet you hear a babble from her mouth. Mindless words she doesn’t even have to think about before spewing them lazily from her mouth.

See, now she missed what Ross said. Stop jabbering on and on, it’s hurting the show’s dialogue.

The movie ends. Dammit it ends and she missed 15 minutes because of your senseless chatter. She shifts uncomfortably, intentionally letting the silence linger. All conversations are abruptly ended with her one-word responses.

You left the floral couch. But when will you leave her house?

hey you,
yes you.

when is your turn to drown in misery?
why do you get to post up pretty pictures?
how come you are able to enjoy marathons with her?

hey you,
when is your turn to be depressed?
when is it that god looks at you and goes “oh, i’ve missed him out. he’s had a good life for too long. he’s messed up other peoples life. good people’s life.”

hey you.
why have you been so lucky? when is your turn to feel miserable?
When is your turn to get grounded into dust and slammed into the floor?

when do i get to point at you and laugh at what you’re going through that you made me go through?

when do i get to walk away from it all and think to myself how sorry i feel for you?

hey you.
when can you stop flaunting your life in my face.

Ok la ok la i deserved it laaaaaa

it cheeses me off how some people are self-deluded into thinking they are geniuses/indispensable (whether at work or otherwise). At the same time, they are implying/blatantly announcing to the world that their counterparts/friends/colleagues are idiots.

you’d have to be really really insecure to feel compelled to constantly do that, or you’re just kinda mean.

I just had to note this down to remember.

I dreamt of you last night. And you looked just the same, felt the same, spoke the same.

You came to Malaysia, and eventually I went to where you are. But just for a while. It was so bittersweet, having to get to see you, yet consciously aware of the time limit we had to adhere to.

You had been the only one with no conditions set to what we had been then, no emotional blackmail, no heart tug-of-war, no baggage.

I was the one with all of the above.

I couldn’t stop thinking of you when I woke up, and I still can’t. I wish I could tell you. But I had decided months ago to let you go already.

Maybe I’ll let you know if ever we meet again. =)

to clarify:

. yes i am sentimental, very much so in fact. but under those circumstances, how to be? and for what purpose?

. proud? what pride? really? more like i gave up when you never acted on something you said you would months ago.

i am the defeated one, not you.

don’t make me out to be the bad guy.

after everything that’s happened, i thought you should know better than that.

Cheers to you too.
I miss you.